Posted by: Andrea | August 20, 2008

My problem with dating, at least around here

I’m starting to realise that for a single person’s blog, I write very little about dating or men, except for the occasional stories about the stupid ones in my past.  That’s mainly because I’m pretty picky, which means I don’t really date that often.  It doesn’t really bother me that much for the most part.  I have a great life and I’m happy with what I do for the majority of my days.  Yes, I spend too much time sitting on my couch watching downloaded tv shows on my laptop and cross stitching, but I’m ok with that.

Yes.  I cross-stitch.  It’s like needlepoint but WAY COOLER.  It’s not something I often admit to people and for years it was like my own secret drug habit.  I’d never let any one see me cross stitch except family.  I’d hide all my ‘cross stitch paraphernalia’ like I was hiding syringes and dime bags.  I now realise that I can make some pretty awesome stuff and I’m not embarrassed anymore.  I even won a blue ribbon at the Oregon State Fair!

So yeah, I was thinking about why I don’t date much, but it’s probably self-explanatory after that last paragraph.

I was sitting here at work today and thinking about blogs I love and how they always have funny stories about dates and men and all of that.  And I never have that!  I’m so lame!  I’m definitely not one of those women who can only ever talk about men because, hello, I have a LIFE and I have way more going on in that life than looking for a new boyfriend.  Most of the time I can’t even face dating again because I sleep smack dab in the middle of my bed like a huge starfish and I don’t want to have to deal with sharing my space with someone else.  God I’m so pathetic and SO SO independently single, it’s a little bit sad sometimes.

But the big reason that I have nothing to talk about at all is that there are NO MEN to talk about.  I was trying to think of something even remotely interesting in relation to dating and the following story is literally the only thing that is even remotely dating-related that has happened to me in weeks.  And probably perfectly explains why I don’t date much.

I was out at a party on Friday night at my friend’s-ex-boyfriend-who-is-also-now-my-friend’s house.  He and his flatmate made pizza and had all of us over for food and wine.  We were hanging out for quite awhile and it was really fun to catch up and see how everyone was doing.  At some point in the night (I honestly can’t remember how this came up) my friend pointed out that ex boyfriend’s flatmate had made some comment about how I had a good body.  It was seriously in front of several different people, including the flatmate, so I couldn’t really question her about it.  Like, um…why exactly were you discussing my body?  How in the world did that even come UP in conversation?  But you know, that make me feel pretty good, like yes, I AM sexy and attractive, thank you very much ex-boyfriend’s flatmate!

I met up with my friend on sunday and had the opportunity to finally ask her what in the world she was talking about and why my body came up in conversation.  At which point she said, ok, yes, ex-boyfriend’s flatmate DID say that I had a good body, but it was prefaced by ‘not too crazy about her face, but…’

So that’s why I don’t date much.  Because I’m surrounded by IDIOTS.

Just to clarify, my friend isn’t a total bitchy horrible friend to tell me that story, I swear.  She told me because she knew that I’d always been confident that I’m a fairly pretty girl but I’ve never been very confident about anything else below my chin.  I’m mean I’m generally pretty confident that I’m not disgusting or covered with boils and I can be very body-confident when I’m with the right person.  But overall I have as many moments of insecurity as everyone else.  Because hello, I’M A WOMAN and we’re all totally neurotic and insecure at some level.  Yes, ALL OF US.  And ex-boyfriend did stick up for me to his flatmate and told him he’s a total idiot and I’m gorgeous so the story pretty much ended with me thinking, thanks ex-boyfriend-who-is-also-now-my-friend!  And also, ex-boyfriend’s flatmate is an IDIOT.  And clearly, blind.  At least from the neck up.



  1. Just stumbled over from a WordPress tag search. Remember that if you want interesting dating stories, you must go on dates with…interesting…guys. Unfortunately, those are the idiots you speak of.

    If you want to read even more about why you should be glad to not be dating idiots, wander over to my blog. It’s TOO boy-centric.

    And I sleep like a starfish too.

  2. Hi Rebekah and welcome! Yeah, I’ve been attempting to meet interesting guys but just end up meeting idiots for the most part. But I’ll keep my eye out and hopefully that interesting guy won’t slip through my fingers! Until then, at least I have more blog fodder. At least they’re good for something!

  3. So two things cross my mind:

    First, are you feeling like dating opportunities/candidates would improve if you were back here in the states?

    And second, at the risk of saying something inappropriate or unwelcome, let me assure you that you are one of the most attractive women I’ve ever encountered. I don’t need to see your external appearance to know that.

  4. DC, have you been talking to Essaytch recently? She’s been saying the same thing about dating in the US! Of course I think that has more to do with her wanting me to move back home.

    I’m really not that bothered about dating. I’m still securely single and very happy about it. It just makes things perhaps slightly more boring around here, but I guess that just means I have to babble on about something else! And we all know I can do THAT with no problem.

  5. I’m also single and I live in Los Angeles. I dated like a mad woman for about 3 months earlier this year and then I hit a wall. I’d rather sit at home a crochet (yes, I crochet) than go out with certain people. So I’m right there with ya. I was just wondering if I’d have better luck if I moved back to the UK for a while.

    You are indeed surrounded by idiots. I think you’re fabulous — dumb dumb flatmate doesn’t know what he’s missing (because he’s an idiot).

  6. Well it made me feel slightly better that everyone immediately called him an idiot, plus he’s widely known for being totally strange and insufferably annoying at times. He’s one of those people that I’m only ‘friends’ with because I’m forced to be due to proximity (I’m friends with his flatmate). So his opinion basically meant next to nothing to me.

    I think dating always sucks until you find the right person. I tend to think that as long as I keep going through my life in my own happy little way, then I’ll eventually collide with someone else. I’m perfectly happy hanging out alone and doing crafty things and that’s the way I like it! And i’ve ALWAYS wanted to learn to crochet! My grandma does and she’s made me some fantastic blankets over the years. But she lives too far away to really teach me. How did you learn?

    And so far…can’t really recommend the UK for dating much. Though you’d be automatically interesting just due to being American. It’s always nice to stand out from a crowd! I’d have thought LA is hard too. All those beautiful people! But then you’d fit in there too. 😉

  7. Oh you are waaaaaaaay to nice. I’m very sorry to say that according to LA rules, I’m at least 35 lbs overweight. My doctor says I’m healthy but the culture here says I’m chunky and can’t really compete with the Playboy model types (thank the Lord). Plus I have a hard time holding back my disadain for stupidity — I’ll tell people they have no business talking to me because they’re not smart enough to grasp certain concepts. I bet that’s really the reason I don’t date much.

    I think dating is just a series of rejections until you’re no longer dating. Sometimes I’m the most interesting and entertaining person I know so why would I ruin that by spending 4-6 hours with someone who’s a complete idiot and makes me wish I was at the dentist’s office? I suppose we just keep plugging along. As far as the idiot, I think you’ve got a great attitude — you’re not really friends so do you give a crap what he thinks of you? No. Problem solved.

    I asked a friend to teach me how to crochet a few years ago. She taught me one basic knot and that’s it. I picked up several ‘Learn how to crochet in a day’ books (which weren’t that helpful) and just sort of taught myself. I’m OK at what I do but I’d really like to do more complex patterns. I’m much better when someone SHOWS me how to do something rather than trying to decifer the instructions in a book.

    And wait… you’re an American, too. Shouldn’t this alone bump up your cool points in Scotland? I bet you have LOTS of people who think you’re amazing.

  8. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not starved for attention, it just always seems to be the wrong people. Like you say, I’m automatically somewhat interesting solely due to my nationality. But I’m totally with you on not wanting to waste my time. I’d never want to be sitting on a date thinking, you know, I’d rather be home with a good book. I actually don’t date much due to my own choice. I’d only ever date someone if he was something pretty special. Otherwise, what’s the point?

    I actually admire you a lot for living in LA! I have a friend there and I don’t think I could ever do it. I don’t know if my confidence could handle being surrounded by people who were always thinner and prettier than I am. I’m pretty much like you, totally healthy but about 35 pounds over what LA thinks is ‘normal.’ But you know, I’m ok with that! I wouldn’t want to look just like everyone else.

    I know the basic crochet stitch so maybe that is enough to learn more! But I tried to knit from a book and it was a total disaster. I’ve gone to knitting shops though and people there have always been so nice and offered to help me with anything if I needed it. Maybe try going to a shop if you’re looking to take it a step further, you might be able to pick up a few new stitches.

  9. What’s cross stitch? Can you make socks with this skill?

  10. Unfortunately no. It’s a completely ornamental skill, not actually useful for much other than taking up a LOT of time. Basically you get a pattern, which has a grid on it with a lot of symbols in little squares. Then you match up the symbols to different colors of thread and you put a little X of thread on a piece of fabric that matches the pattern. Then you just keep going until you make something like this (I made the one on the bottom right).

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