Posted by: Andrea | August 10, 2008

When a not-quite stranger calls

The ex called last night.  I haven’t talked to him since we broke up and I’d decided to leave it in his court to make contact.  We had a chat on the phone and he seemed to be doing well.  He said he wanted to give me a call so I didn’t think he was ignoring me.  He was pleasant, friendly.  It was a nice change from previous crazy exes who would call just to tell me what I horrible person I am.

After about fifteen minutes, he suggested meeting up for a coffee.  I said sure, that’d be nice.  He suggested now.  “Um…now?”  I asked, looking down at my pajamas.  I was doing what I normally do on any night I don’t have plans: sitting on my couch in my pajamas watching tv and surfing the internet, usually with unwashed hair.  I had very involved plans to search for the favorite dances of So You Think You Can Dance on youtube, since I couldn’t find the final anywhere to download.  I said I could meet up if he wanted to come over to my end of town, still a bit surprised that he’d want to meet up at 9:30pm.  He said he’d had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, so he couldn’t drive.  Then…silence.  Um, what did he expect me to say there?  There was no way I was going over to see him.  I don’t have a car, so it would require at least an hour and a half on two different buses or else a pretty expensive taxi ride and then I’d be stuck there with no way home.  This was HIS idea. HE could get a taxi if he really wanted to meet up.

“Well I’m not sure what you want to do here…” I said, getting a bit perplexed by this conversation.

“Well I can get a taxi over there,” he offered.

“Um, ok, if you want to…”

“Are you sure you’re ok with that?”

Am I ok with that?  Well yes, I’m ok with that if he’s just going to come over for ‘coffee’, which I was quickly realising was most likely NOT his ultimate goal.  Why else would you call an ex at 9:30 on a saturday night after a few glasses of wine and then offer to come over, even if that requires a taxi?  “Yes, that’s fine, as long as you’re ok with coming all the way over here.”

“I don’t mind.  I’ll be over in a half hour or so.”

I hung up and thought, huhThis is unexpected.

Don’t worry, I’m not completely stupid.  I realised the very high possibility that this was some kind of booty call.  You will all be happy to know that that call resulted in no booty, just two expensive taxi rides for my ex.  It was a relatively pleasant evening, we had good conversation that wasn’t at all strange or awkward.  I realised that I was speaking quite a lot, but that was probably from nervousness.  The ex was never particularly chatty and I often felt that a lot of the responsibility for keeping a conversation going was left to me.  The same thing happened last night.   By the time he left I thought it was good to see him and was even more sure that the decision to breakup was right.  And I was a little bit tired from having to constantly think of questions so there was no lull in conversation.  But I’m tentatively hopeful that a friendship could be forged here, especially now that he knows that there is absolutely no chance of ex-sex.



  1. As I have zero experience with the whole “booty call” thing (in fact, I basically don’t understand the concept even conceptually, so…yeah) I’m not really clear on what his plan for the evening was.

    Do ex’s really “hook up” after the break up? Or was he hoping for a more permanent renewal of the relationship?

    If it was the latter…well…at least you got another evening to confirm your decision.

    If it was the former…I kinda think that’s really REALLY creepy (on his part).

    OH, and if you have to keep the conversation going by thinking up questions…I’d say that’s at least a bit awkward.

  2. Yeah I was sort of perplexed throughout the whole night, I wasn’t quite sure what was going on. I think ex’s do sometimes hook up, but I generally think it’s a bad idea. I know for myself, there’s a reason I break up with someone, which usually includes not actually wanting to have intimate contact with them anymore. So why would I want to go back to it?

    I think the awkwardness in the conversation was mostly my fault. I was terrified of a lull in conversation so I was leaping to fill them at every opportunity. I didn’t want to give him the chance to fill one with something like, ‘so…did you EVER love me?!’ I probably over-compensated a bit. But I always sort of felt like the talking was left to me a lot in that relationship, which was one of the big reasons for the breakup. I don’t ever want to feel like I have nothing to say to my boyfriend and with him, I did. Sort of a death knell, that one.

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