Posted by: Andrea | July 22, 2008

Just your typical friday night

I have a fantastic friend here named Cath. I’ve known her for the full four years I’ve been here and I consider her one of my closest friends.  Whenever we go out for a drink to catch up, I always know to brace myself for what will surely happen next.  I NEVER get home at a normal hour and I always end up drinking far more than I should.  Cath tends to be a bit of a wine Nazi (‘you’re not drinking fast enough!  Finish that up so we can start the next bottle!’) who has a compulsion to talk to random people in pubs.  While normally this wouldn’t be an issue, Cath also has an unerring ability to pick out the most boring, weird or uninteresting people in the whole place.  Now I generally can talk a lot, at length, to pretty much anyone, so unless I’m really tired or bored, it doesn’t bother me too much.

This past Friday, Cath managed to sit us down next to the three geekiest guys I have ever seen.  Normally, this wouldn’t be too much of an issue for me.  I figure, as long as you’re relatively interesting and entertaining, I’ll probably have more in common with geeky guys that with the rest of the random bonehead guys you’ll find in your standard pub.  But I swear, these three?  They were just…well people, they were just awesome.  They were SO entertaining on so many levels, probably many of which were unintended.  There was the guy who was deaf in one ear so he kept moving around to different seats in order to hear people.  There was the guy who was totally rude and socially inept, until he told us he has Aspergers.  Then there was the ‘ladies man.’

Now, the ‘ladies man’ was the most entertaining to me, primarily because he kept trying to pick me up all night and he was just so bad at it.  But he had this intense confidence where he just seemed to think that this was totally going to work, I just clearly hadn’t heard him correctly the first time.  But the funniest part about it all was that his two friends obviously thought he was really really good at picking up women.  One of them even told me to be careful because he’ll ‘talk you out of your pants without you even knowing!’  Oh honey.  I think I’ll know.

So for anyone else out there looking for tips, here are a few things NOT TO DO while attempting to pick up a woman:

–    If you are going to attempt the man-with-ponytail look, please ensure you have nice hair.  Even Michael Bolton gave that look up when he started to get thin on top.
–    At no time during the conversation should you discuss or mention ‘boobs’, particularly mine.  And please, stop staring.  Especially when I specifically ask you to.  At no time should I have to use the phrase ‘um, I’m up here dude.’
–    If I accidentally bump your leg while crossing mine, please understand that I’m not attempting to play footsie with you.  And when I don’t move it back between your legs when you invite me, you should know that complimenting my legs won’t entice me to change my mind.
–    At no time, AT ALL, should the word c**t come up in conversation.  AT ALL.  NO there is no exception.  Stop trying to convince me there is.

Am I really lame if I admit that these guys just amused me to no end?  And even with the horrible come-ons, I actually found this guy kind of hilariously intriguing?  Before the boob-staring and the awful leg comments I’d been having a good time talking to him.  I suspect he felt compelled to try to ‘seduce’ me because I actually had a semi-sustained conversation with him, which MUST mean I’m looking to be talked out of my pants, right?  I confess, I love the show The Big Bang Theory and wished I had my own group of geeky friends to hang out with and discuss all my geeky-at-heart tendencies.  Unfortunately, I think I better keep looking.  At least until I find someone who will look me in the eye.

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Responses

  1. Hey thanks for the comment over at doahleigh. You story is exactly what frustrates me so much about the whole thing. I’m glad you shared it.

  2. As much as I love (and I mean LOVE) The Big Bang Theory, I’m enthralled with it more out of a sense of sad identification with the guys than anything else.

    I have sat with friends at a diner and discussed the military implications of orcs, super powers and the intervention of Gods. Judge me as you will.

    But even I know when to look in to a woman’s eyes and when not to (and I’ve already written about what happens when that gets crossed up).

    You give me hope that hopeless geeks might actually be able to strike up a conversation with a beautiful woman in a pub. Now if we could just not SUCK at having that conversation…

  3. I loved that scene! Shiva and Ganesh would totally have kicked ass.

    The sad part was that I actually was enjoying talking to the guy before he turned into ‘that guy.’ He was interesting until he started trying to pick me up and stopped just being himself. But then, pick up lines NEVER work on me. As soon as it becomes obvious that a guy is trying too hard, I immediately lose interest. I want a real connection with someone, not just a pick up line.

    Maybe the problem is that guys (and girls) don’t trust that just being themselves is enough, so they resort to the cliches. If just being yourself isn’t enough for the other person to be interested, they’re probably wrong for you anyway!

  4. The problem (in my experience) is that many geeks only have “that guy” as a frame of reference for dealing with the opposite sex.

    Yes, if you have Shiva and Ganesh, you’ve pretty much got the whole thing sown up. But then, Kuthrapali is probably my favorite of the group, even though I’ve been told I’m closer Leonard than I’d like to admit.

    I like to collect bad pick-up lines…but I can’t imagine a situation where I (or anyone else) would actually USE one.

    Of course, now, if you ever do meet me for gelato at Bridgeport, I’m gonna have to try REALLY hard not to blurt one out turrets style.

    My sense of humor just runs that way.

    The best scene in BBT so far is either the kiss at the end of the Halloween Party (“yeah, that’s what you saw. That’s how we roll in the Shire!”) OR the kiss at the end of the season finale (“The Cat’s Alive”).

    Probably the most quotable show on TV right now. My absolute favorite. Behind Doctor Who.

  5. Um, where do I sign up to recieve my own personal Sheldon? And can I please raid Howard’s belt buckle collection?

    My favorite scene from BBT so far is when Sheldon and Leonard are talking about time travel in the cafeteria at work. Aaaaah, geek heaven.

  6. I love the one where Sheldon’s brings up the problems with teleportation. Leonard just looks at him, sighs and says, ‘Proceed…’ Awesomeness! I can watch that show over and over (and I DO!) and it never gets old. I still laugh like a total dork.

    I think I laughed the hardest when Sheldon starting singing from Fiddler on the Roof. But I think I liked the kiss at Leonard’s birthday the best. He just looked so surprised but it seemed so natural. Plus he’s just a little bit adorable. And you’re so right Essaytch, I want my own Sheldon! No joke, I’m seriously awaiting my own little group of geeky friends. They MUST be around here somewhere…

    OH, and bad pickup lines can sometimes be really funny! As along as it’s clear the guy wasn’t seriously using them but it was a joke to highlight how much he’d NEVER use them in real life. Sometimes hard to do, but effective if done in a charming way!


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