Posted by: Andrea | March 15, 2008

‘Marry Him!’

It’s not often that I get so angry when reading an article online that I write pissed-off comments on IM to my friend who sent me the link.  IM messages full of ‘oh my god!’ and ‘This woman is an idiot.  She can kiss my ass.’

This article, however, raised my ire to a new level.

It’s cool, go ahead and read it, but come back because believe me, I have some stuff to say about this!

What pissed me off the most about this article is that it’s basically a big attempt to get women to just shut up already and get married.  How dare we women actually want to be in love when we get married?  The audacity of actually wanting a man to build a fulfilling life with someone who, oh, I don’t know, we actually want to have a conversation with once all these children have grown up and are out of the house!  I believe it was this sentence that inspired the ‘kiss my ass’ statement above:

ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won’t tell you it’s a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child). 

Now, fair enough, I’m only 28, not 40, so apparently I haven’t reached the fear threshold where I start throwing myself at former alcoholics and out of work actors screaming ‘Marry me!’ because I might just end up alone.  However, I am nearing 30, which apparently means I better start panicking right fucking now because I haven’t found a husband yet.  This?  This is bullshit people, plain and simple.

Who says that every single woman wants a husband?  Oh, I’m sorry, and by extension, a child?  I’ll say it right now.  I don’t know if I will ever want children.  The only way I will ever in a million years want one is if I find a fantastic husband and I want to have a child with him.  This is very different from wanting a husband and throwing out the net to find any semi-suitable male who will inseminate me.  I find it very very sad that this article recommends a man as a suitable husband simply because he’ll put out the trash, pick up the toys and earn a lot of money.  That’s not just sad, it’s insulting, to men and women. 

I accept that there are many women out there who genuinely do want a husband and children.  But I think that over and above just having the child is that these women want a family.  And a family includes someone that you want to go through it all with, that when you have to deal with that messy, screaming, crying child, you can turn to and say, ‘you know what, this is really really hard and I’m so glad that I’m doing it with you.’  A lot of men can take out the trash and earn money.  Not a lot of men can look back at you and say ‘Me too honey.  Me too.

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Responses

  1. Couldn’t agree with you more. I did add that article to my del.icio.us profile however, because it’s indicative of how most people at my age think – sadly. Don’t people at 40 realize they could live another 40 years? And do they want to do it by settling? Why are they so tired and weary and willing to lower all their standards? I’d hope I am not ever like that! I admit, life can be exhausting – and the prospect of going it alone is not always positive. But there are up-sides to everything. Great post by the way.

  2. And you were worried you wouldn’t have anything to blog about…sheesh! Well done, and I echo your sentiments!

  3. I recognize absolutely that at 40 it’s scary to think about your life in the future alone. But I feel like a lot of that fear is caused by articles like this one! It’s total fear mongering and I don’t like this implication that if we’re not afraid, we should be. Besides, exactly like you say, what is the 40 year old going to be thinking when, at 60, her kids leave the nest and she realizes that she’s stuck for the rest of her life with a man she doesn’t even particularly like? A marriage is supposed to be about a partnership for life, not just about the best available candidate that you can find. But then, I’m back on my soapbox again! Stepping off now…


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